first self-help book I ever bought was called  Pronunciation Anxiety: Quick Relief For Sufferers. I took weeks to pluck up the courage to ask for it because I wasn't sure how to pronounce 'pronunciation'.

Once I'd read it, there was no holding me back. In a group therapy session I used 'schism', 'scion', segue' and 'sciatica' in the same sentence. Then I tossed in a casual 'Do you think my dirndl the epitome of chic?', which must have made the others a bit jealous because they voted I be transferred to the psychiatric ward.

Morris Gleitzman has read dozens of self-help books. They haven't helped much – he's still not getting it right.

But he hasn't given up, and he doesn't want you to either. So here's something to help you feel better along the way. Hilarious proof that no matter how confused, frustrating and messy your life is – his is worse!