Morris' Virtual Tour

from my October 2006 Virtual Author Tour. Schools all over Australia took part, some of them in wild, exotic and remote places. Normally to visit such places in person I'd be battling sandstorms, snakes, floods and very strict school-crossing attendants. But thanks to the magic of the net, I did it all in comfort and safety. Well, not complete safety. Some of the questions were a bit scary.

I've taken the names of most of the schools off in case they were talking to me when they were meant to be doing maths. But they know who they are, and they know I'll always be grateful to them for joining me on my first ever Virtual Author Tour. – Morris

What is your favourite book you have written so far?: I've got a few favourites. Toad Rage was the most fun to write, Once was the most satisfying and Doubting Thomas is the shiniest and newest.
We are reading 'Once' at the moment! We are loving it too because it is different and interesting!: I'm glad. It's a story I wanted to write for a long time. In fact, I was thinking about it and planning it for about 10 years.
How long does it take to publish your books?: The thinking about and planning of a book usually takes me a year or so. Then about six to nine months to write it and another two or three months to design, print, warehouse and deliver the book.
Sam is a keen writer and would like to know how much does it cost to get a book published?: Authors don't usually pay to have their books published. If they're lucky, the publisher pays them. To publish 10,000 copies of a novel probably costs the publisher about $50,000.
Wow! What time do you go to bed when you are writing one of your stories?: I used to write all night. My imagination works better in the dark. But, when we had kids I had to fit in with family life so I trained myself to write in the day. I like to read before I go to bed so I don't usually turn the light out until about midnight. Don't try this at home.
Do you travel and get ideas for the books you write?: I love travelling and luckily authors get to travel a lot talking to people about their books. I get lots of ideas when I travel. Sometimes I also travel for research. I went to Poland twice before I started writing Once.
When you were at school did you like to write stories as well as read? What age were you when you realised you had a love of writing stories?: I started writing stories when I was about eight. I didn't show them to anybody, they were just for my own fun. One day some of the kids in my class found some of my stories and read them. When I saw they were enjoying them, I decided to write more stories for people to read. I'm very lucky it's my job now 'cause I love doing it.
Do you ever start a story and have trouble with the ending?: I used to. Now I plan each story before I start writing so I know the ending and can work towards it as I write.
Are you writing a book at the moment and can you give us any hints about the story line?: I'm going to start writing my next book in a few weeks. It will be a collection of short stories, which is something I haven't done before. Sorry, no hints at this stage because I haven't knocked the ideas into shape yet. When I've written the first few stories I'll probably put one on my website.
Do you think you will write for a long time?: I hope so. I don't plan to ever retire and I hope to live to be even older than I am now.
Have you ever co-written any books?: Yes, I've written two books with Paul Jennings, Wicked and Deadly. It was lots of fun and a big adventure for us both.
How did you come up with the idea about the itchy nipples in 'Doubting Thomas'?: I wanted a lie-detector method that Thomas would feel embarrassed about and possibly be tempted to lie about.
Is your childhood reflected in your books?: Most of the things that happen in my books I make up but the one part from my childhood is the emotions and feelings the characters have. I don't know how to make up emotions I haven't experienced myself.
If you retire from writing what do you think you will do?: I don't plan to retire from writing, but if my computer decides to retire and I need to find something else to do, I'd like it to involve reading and travelling.
If one of your books was to be made into a movie, which one would like it to be?: I'd be happy if any of my books were made into a movie but I'd be most pleased if it was Once. Is this a film producer asking the question?
What occupation did your parents do? Were they writers too?: My father was a real estate agent. My mother worked in a credit union. My father used to write pantomimes for an amateur theatre company when he was a young man. My mother used to write brilliant notes to my teachers.
How do you select the titles for your books?: I used to think you had to have a title before you could start writing a story. Now I usually start writing without a title and one usually comes to me about half way through. I'm not sure where from.
How was it different writing with Paul Jennings rather than writing by yourself?: I couldn't have everything my way. Sob. Paul and I decided we needed a character each, which is why there are two main characters in each of our books.
How has the death of Steve Irwin/Peter Brock affected you in the past few weeks?: It's reminded me that in Australia we're really just one big family.
Have any of your books been published in another language? Do they translate well? Is it worth more money?: My books have been translated into about 15 languages. I only speak two of them so I'm not sure how well the others have been translated. I do get paid extra money for each translation, but not a huge amount because the translator has to be paid too. C'est la vie.
What is your favourite place in the world and have you done any book tours overseas?: My favourite place to live is Australia. My favourite place to visit is France. I've done about 10 book tours overseas.
Do you feel sad when you are writing sad parts of your stories and do you make yourself laugh at the funny things?: Yes and yes, I'm glad to say.
Who is your most admired person and why?: A children's author and doctor called Janusz Korczak who lived in Poland in the first half of the 20th century and behaved towards a bunch of kids better than any adult I know of. He was one of my inspirations for Once.
Why have you got embarrasing titles on some of your books?: What, Toad Heaven? Did I spell Heaven wrong? OK, I know what you mean. Bumface and stuff like that. I always try and find a title that captures the spirit of a story and tells us a little about the character's problem.
How long does it take to get a book written and published and how many people are involved in creating it?: The thinking about and planning of a book usually takes me a year or so. Then about six to nine months to write it and another two or three months to design, print, warehouse and deliver the book. About 10 people are involved in creating it and probably about 100 in getting to your bookshelf.
Do you use ever use family or friends names as characters in your books?: Hardly ever. When my daughter was in Year 6 she asked me to use all her friends' names in a book. I gave in and used them in Belly Flop. Ever since I've been worried all those people might not have liked what I wrote about them.
What do you like best about being an author?: Spending a lot of my working day in my imagination, which is my favourite place to be. I also get to travel a lot and visit a lot of bookshops.
What is your most embarrassing moment?: Sitting in a room at Penguin books having a net chat wearing only plastic supermarket bag and a top hat and having somebody walk in with a cup of tea. Two sugars and a pair of jeans please.
Where did you get the title 'Doubting Thomas' from?: When I knew this story was about a boy starting to doubt a lot of the big things in his life, I thought Doubting Thomas would be a good title for the story and Thomas a good name for the boy.
Is it hard writing a book from a girl's point of view?: Not for me. Some male writers find it difficult (some female writers do too) but I've always trusted that girls feel the same things as boys, just sometimes about different things.
Who is your favourite singer/band?: Van Morrison. He's an old bloke you might not have heard of. Ask your teacher to sing you one of his songs.
What inspired you to write books?: I've been writing stories since I was about 8. When I was 17 I had one published for the first time in a magazine. When I was 32 I discovered that books are a really good way of getting your stories to lots of people. The characters in my imagination inspire me.
Have you thought about writing a picture story book and if you did, who would you like to be the illustrator?: I've got a couple of ideas for picture books. If I ever get around to writing them, I'm very lucky because some great illustrators have done covers for my other books, so I've got lots I could ask. Kim Gamble is one, and Andrew Weldon, who did the great drawings on the cover of Doubting Thomas, is another.
Why don't you write a scary book?: I think I already have. There are lots of scary bits in Wicked and Deadly, the two books I wrote with Paul Jennings, and I think the bit in Worm Story where Wilton emerges from someone's bottom is pretty scary too. I'll try to be even scarier in the future.
Where do you get your inspiration for your stories?: I meet characters in my imagination, get to know them, discover the problems in their lives, and my inspiration is to help them solve those problems in exciting, funny, moving and unexpected ways.
Why did you start writing and how old were you?: I started writing for fun. I was eight.
Do you know how the story will end when you first start writing it?: Usually. I make a plan of the story before I start writing it. Sometimes the plan changes while I'm writing, but the ending usually stays pretty much the same. Sometimes the ending is the first part of the story I think of.
Were you good at writing stories at school? Did your teacher appreciate your humour?: I was quite good. I was also good at making smart comments from the back of the class. Those examples of my humour were less appreciated by the teachers. And rightly so.
What are some of the jobs you did before you became a famous writer?: Frozen chicken defroster, fake santa in a department store, sheet and towel sales person, paper boy.
How long does it take you to write a book on average?: Nine months on average, plus a year or two of thinking.
What qualities do you think a person needs to write great stories?: An imagination, a love of reading, a love of words, a powerful interest in what happens inside other people, lots of stationery, good bum muscles (lots of sitting).
How did you develop such a large vocabulary?: Reading.
Why did you want to write books?: So I could go on adventures in my imagination with interesting and funny characters. And do it as my job.
Do you have children? if so do they read your stories before you publish them?: My daughter Sophie is 25, my son Ben is 22. They always used to read my stories before they were published. Not so often now days.
How do you think of the names of your characters?: I've got a book called What to Name Your Baby. I use that for first names and the phone book for family names. Unless the characters are cane toads, in which case I make them up.
What is the story behind 'Girl Underground'?: I wrote it after Boy Overboard and was inspired by meeting lots of Australian kids and hearing their thoughts about the refugee kids who were locked up at that time in detention centres. I'd also wanted to write a story about a kid whose parents are very nice criminals.
What is the funniest and your favorite book you have published?: Hard question to answer because I think they're all funny and I love them all. The one that made me laugh most while I was writing it is Toad Rage and the one I feel proudest to have finished is Once.
Do you write your books aimed at boy or girl readers?: All my books are aimed at both. And pets.
Where do you get your ideas from?: My imagination. And the way it responds to the problems we all face in our lives. And things I read.
We read 'Once' last term and thought it was fantastic!!!! it opened our eyes.: I'm glad. Doing research for Once opened my eyes too. Thanks for letting me know.
Can our names be in your next book? Kimball, Ben, Te, Tommy and Dylan.: First I should warn you that some of my books are about nose germs and stomach worms. How would you feel about a character with your name emerging from a human bottom? Better check with your lawyer first.
Have you travelled around the world for ideas for your stories?: I travel to other countries a lot, mostly to talk about my books. But I have done research trips as well. I went to Poland as part of my research for Once.
Did anyone ever tell you you wouldn't make it? You've done a great job by the way.: A couple of my teachers told me I wouldn't achieve anything because I daydreamed too much. I know they were just trying to help and I wish I could make them feel better about the whole thing by letting them know that now I get paid to daydream. I also wish they could see your very kind comment. I should also add that some of my teachers were very understanding about the day dreaming. Less so about the messy handwriting.
Has anything that has happened in your life been reflected in your stories?: Not many events, but lots of emotions. I did emigrate from England with my parents, and bits of that experience found their way into Misery Guts, though my experience was very different to Keith's. I suspect that some bits of my life find their way into my stories without me realising – other authors say this happens to them too.
Does writing come naturally to you?: Having story ideas does, structuring them into actual stories doesn't and takes a lot of hard work, writing the sentences does once I know the characters well.
What is the scariest thing that has happened in your life?: When my son was two I heard a thump outside and I thought he'd fallen off a balcony, but it was only a plant in a pot.
Can you give advice on how to write a good story?: Read lots of stories. Decide which ones you think are good. Ask yourself why. Find a story to write that really interests you. Don't worry too much about whether it's going to interest other people. Use language you're familiar with. Make sure your main character is struggling with a big, interesting, hard to solve problem.
The class is watching this on a curtain and the image is projected from the teacher's laptop via a multi-media projector. It is 30 degrees in Melbourne and we have the air conditoner on!: Feel free to loosen your collars. I'm in Melbourne too but fortunately Penguin books employees with palm fronds are fanning me.
What topic did you find hardest at school and what was the easiest?: Maths was hardest, especially algebra and geometry. English was easiest, though I made it a bit harder for myself by muttering literary criticism from the back row and getting my ears twisted by the English teacher on a regular basis.
You dedicate 'Doubting Thomas' to Tilly and Dexter. Who are they?: Dexter is my godson in London and Tilly is his sister. When I tell them you were asking about them, they will be delighted.
Do you have help from other people when writing your stories?: Sometimes I ask people for help with research. For example, the six people with Arabic names I dedicated Boy Overboard to are a family from Afghanistan who came to Australia as refugees and helped me a lot with the background to that book. With each book I also get very important help from my editor, the production team at Penguin books, the designer, the publicity and marketing people, and the many other people who help get books to their readers.
As a new author, how many publishers should you send your story to?: There are two schools of thought. The first is that you send your manuscript to every publisher you think would be interested in it. The other is that you only send your manuscript to the publisher you think would be most interested in it, then bombard them with phone calls, sleep in their foyer, date as many of their employees as possible, and pray a lot. If that doesn't work, move on to the next one.
What was the most embarrassing moment of your childhood and is it in a story you have written?: When I was in year 3, I had an orthodontic device that fitted neatly onto the roof of my mouth. It used to itch a bit. Sometimes I would fiddle with it to relieve the itch. One day in assembly, I fiddled too hard and the OD flew through the air, over the heads of the rest of the school and landed at the Principal's feet. He pretended not to notice, I pretended it wasn't my OD, but I knew he knew, and he knew I knew he knew, etc.
Have you met many famous people? Who were they?: I've met quite a few famous people. Most notably the principals of many schools. Also, Kylie Minogue, Gough Whitlam, Andy Griffiths, Twiggy, Brian Brown, Rolf Harris, and many others who have asked me not to mention their names.
One of the kids, Rebecca, needs to go to the toilet right now. What would you suggest in this situation?: I noted when I visited your school once that the rubbish bins in the library looked like they would successfully contain liquids. Is this of any help to Rebecca?
Have you ever had to travel overseas to research for a book?: I love travelling and luckily authors get to travel a lot talking to people about their books. I get lots of ideas when I travel. Sometimes I also travel for research. I went to Poland twice before I started writing Once.
How long does it take to write an 'average' size book?: For me about nine months. But it varies a lot. I did one in four weeks, another took ten years.
Do you ever write more than one book at a time?: No. I think about more than one book at a time, but once I start writing I have to be . . . I need you to invent a new word for me here. If monogomous means only one husband/wife, what would be a good word for only one book at a time?
Bookogomous?: Excellent. Thankyou. I'll put that on my CV from now on.
Approx. how much money can an author make from writing a story if it is successful??: J.K. has earned tens of millions of dollars from each of her successful stories. I haven't. I get about $1.75 from each copy of each of my books that is sold, so my total income depends on how many copies the students of Beaconhills Christian College buy each year. No pressure.
What car do you drive?: VW Golf. I can also drive a Lamborghini, if your teacher has one I can borrow.
What occupation did you want to have when you were younger for when you were older?: The only other career I ever wanted was to be a professional soccer player. It didn't work out because I couldn't spell professional. Also, I wanted a career I could do until the day I drop dead, so I chose writing. Luckily, to be a writer, you don't have to be any good at spelling.
Kids here are desperate to know about your funniest moment in life?: Thinking about Rebecca peeing into a rubbish bin.
If someone was to be you in a movie, who would you like to play you?: Shrek.
If you could be a very famous celebrity for a day, who would it be and why?: Jon Stewart (the Daily Show, SBS, Thursday evenings) because he says funny things about people who need funny things said about them.
Hi Mr Gleitzman, do you write your titles before, after or during the writing of a book? Why?: Usually during. Occasionally before, never after. By the way, my title is Morris.
How long did it take you to write 'Doubting Thomas'?: About eight months. But I was thinking about the story for a couple of years before that.
Did you love story writing in primary school and high school?: I started writing stories in about Year 5 and it was one of my favourite things to do in school, particularly in maths classes.
When you were a child what sorts of books did you enjoy reading?: My parents joined me up at the local public library when I was about 7 and I set myself the goal of reading every book in the place by the time I was 8. I didn't manage it, but I kept on trying for many years afterwards.
We know you like to read non-fiction, so have you thought about writing any childrens non-fiction books?: Very good question. I like the idea, but I'm not sure if my imagination would let me stick to the facts. Perhaps there's a type of book which could be half-way between non-fiction and fiction.
Do you ever experience writer's block?: Not really. I plan my stories before I start writing. If I ever get stuck in the middle of a chapter, it's usually because I've lost contact with what the characters are feeling at that point in the story.
Do you base the characters on people you know?: Hardly ever. The people I know have all got lawyers and I'm a bit nervous they might not like how I would portray them in the story.
Who was your childhood idol?: Various English soccer players whose names I've forgotten because I'm a bit fickle.
Do you receive lots of fan mail?: I do. These days mostly by e-mail. I'm not able to answer it all personally, but I read it all and I put a selection each month on my website.
Did you have any of the symptoms from 'Doubting Thomas' while you were going through puberty?: Several. Anxiety. Optimism. Jetlag. My nipples only itched if they were bitten by a mosquito or a brother.
Do you have any story writing tips for us?: Read lots. Write lots. Use the sort of words you use everyday talking to your friends. Only write stories about things that interest you very much. Don't forget to write about how the characters feel about the problems they are grappling with in the story.
Do you realise that you make some children feel a little uncomfortable / awkward with the issues in your books? e.g. the body part bits in 'Doubting Thomas' made some of our class blush!: Yes, I do know this happens. I think one of the reasons we like stories is because we share the feelings that the characters are experiencing. Stories can help us in other ways too. The more we read stories that mention body parts, the more we are reminded that we all have these parts and they start to seem less embarrassing.
How long does it take to write a word when you don't have any ideas left?: I'm lucky, I never run out of ideas. Sometimes I run out of words. When that happens, I listen carefully to the characters in my imagination and they can usually supply me with the words I need.
What are your other hobbies?: Reading, travel, walking, stacking stationery in very neat piles.
Do you have fun or do you just write all day?: Mostly, when I write all day, I have lots of fun. I do get to have non-writing fun as well in my life. Because I am self-employed and I don't have a boss, I can decide how much of each type of fun to have each day.
Do you prefer to write movie / television scripts or novels? Why?: Novels. I can write whatever I like in a novel and I don't have to worry how much it would cost to film that story, whether an actor would be prepared to do the things the character does in the story, and I can also write in detail about the thoughts and feelings of the characters in a novel. In a script I have to depend on the actors to get those thoughts and feelings across.
Have you written any books based on true stories?: Not completely. Boy Overboard was inspired by a number of real life stories, as was Once. Misery Guts was inspired by my own emigration from England to Australia. All those books are stories though, and the actual events in them are made up.
How did you come up with the idea of 'Bumface'?: I wanted to write a story about a young person burdened by lots of adult responsibilities. I wanted him to use his imagination to have some fun. I wanted him to have to research where babies come from. I wanted to use the word 'bum' in the title.
Do you write your stories on paper or computer?: Computer. But I carry a notebook around with me to write ideas in.
How much influence do the publishers have over the final look of the book?: A lot. I talk to them about ideas for the cover, but it's basically up to them. They're very kind, and they never put a cover on one of my books that I don't like. The only thing I insist on is that they spell my name 'Gleitzman' and not 'Jennings'.
I'm writing a story called 'Black Heart Murder' and I don't know how to end it. Have you got any ideas for good endings?: The way to find the ending of a story is to look at the problem the character is trying to solve in that story and decide whether he/she solves it and if so, how. For 'Black Heart Murder' I'd suggest a pie fight.
Why did you choose in the book 'Doubting Thomas' for Thomas to have itchy nipples instead of something different regarding puberty?: I wanted a symptom that had more to do with Thomas' mysterious condition than with puberty, but also a symptom that had a hint of puberty to it, because that's where Thomas is in his life. I also wanted Thomas' agitated body part to be one (or two) that both girls and boys have.
Are you currently writing a book?: I'll be starting my next book in a couple of weeks. It's going to be a collection of short stories. I've never written short stories before and I'm looking forward to it. I'm thinking of calling the first story 'Black Heart Murder'.
Do you recommend being an author as a good occupation for us in the future?: You will know in your heart if being an author is how you want to spend your life. You may also feel scared by the idea. Don't be. Go for it.
Do you have any Author friends?: Yes, a few. Paul Jennings, Anna Fienberg. J.K. is a close personal friend of mine, she just doesn't know it yet.
We really enjoyed reading 'Once' as a class, and really want to find out more.: Glad you enjoyed it. On my website there's a list of the books I read for research. In them are lots of real-life Felixes and their stories.
Do you write books just for kids or adults as well?: My books are for kids but lots of adults read them too. So really they're for adults as well.
Excellent – thank you Morris. The students are running a little late and will be here - and they have just arrived now! The girls have just finished swimming and that's why they are late - sorry!: Welcome. Before you get onto the questions girls, dry those ears thoroughly.
What was the hardest book for you to write?: Once took the longest. Wicked and Deadly required the most re-writing. Boy Overboard needed the most research.
Will you make a movie about 'Once' aimed at children because we would love to see one?: I'd love to see a Once movie too. I wouldn't make it myself because I don't have the necessary skills or the necessary $10 million. I hope a film producer will want to make it one day.
Where did you get your idea for 'Doubting Thomas'?: I wanted to write a story about how we all have to deal with lies, both ours and other people's, trust, both ours and other people's, and sometimes itchy nipples, both ours and other people's.
Has writing always been your passion?: My first passion was soccer, but then I discovered writing when I was about 8. The great thing about writing is that you don't get green stains on your knees.
What/who inspired you to become an author?: All the books I enjoyed reading as a kid – and all the books I've read since. My favourite author as a kid was Richmal Crompton, who wrote the wonderful William stories. She probably inspired me more than any other author.
What do you think the funniest book you've written is?: In my opinion it's a toss up between Bumface, Toad Rage and Doubting Thomas. I've discovered that everyone has their own personal favourite when it comes to humour.
Have you ever taught at schools?: Not really. When I was a student I taught a first year kid how to juggle sharp implements in the science room, but it turned out I wasn't a very good teacher so I didn't do it again.
Do you think you will keep on publishing books past retirement?: I don't plan to retire. I plan to write books until I die, and hopefully for a while afterwards.
Hey! have any of the books you've written not been sold or published?: No, I've been very lucky. But when I was starting out as a writer I wrote lots of TV and movie scripts which were never produced. A couple of times I've had half a book not published when I've realised a manuscript is going in the wrong direction and I've had to start again.
Are your books based on real stories?: Mostly not. Most of the events in my stories I make up. The bits based on my own and other people's lives are the feelings the characters have. I don't know how to invent new feelings.
I know you really like soccer and table tennis so are you writing books about them?: I've already written about soccer in Boy Overboard. I've never written about table tennis, but I think I'll try and write about it in my next book. Thanks for the suggestion.
Can you give us some advice about how to write funny or interesting books?: We have to care about a character's problems before we will find that character funny or interesting. In my books, a lot of the funny bits happen when characters try to solve their problems in ways that are unusual, unexpected or just plain dopey.
Hey, have you ever written a book about your life?: Not my whole life. Occasionally little bits of it. For example, I moved from England to Australia with my family a bit like Keith in Misery Guts. I didn't burn down any fish and chip shops though.
Did you enjoy your experience writing books with Paul Jennings?: I did. It was an adventure. We both had lots of fun. And a few arguments. We're still good friends.
Before you wrote 'Boy Overboard', did you know much about immigration? Do you know anyone who has come from another country and gone through those circumstances?: I had to do a lot of research before I wrote the book. When I'd finished the first draft I needed help from people who'd had the experience of traveling to Australia from Afghanistan as refugees. There were lots of mistakes in the book that needed fixing. I met a family from Afghanistan who helped me a lot and we've stayed friends.
How do you make funny titles?: You use words that will make funny pictures in people's imaginations, and also make people start to imagine what funny things might happen in that story.
Do you prefer doing online chats or going to schools in person?: I like going to schools very much, but the advantage of doing an on-line chat is that I can wear my bikini.
What was your first ever book?: The Other Facts of Life – a story I wrote first as a television film and then re-wrote as a book. Available now in all good bookshops and school libraries.
What did you write about when you were a child / teenager?: When I was a child I often wrote funny stories about my teachers. As a teenager I had my first story published in a magazine. It was a love story based partly on my romantic feelings towards a girl, and partly on her lack of romantic feelings towards me.
What do you do in your spare time?: Read, cook, sometimes both at the same time (don't try this at home).
What was your first book called? And what was it about?: The Other Facts Of Life. It's about a boy called Ben who notices that many people in the world have big problems like not enough food and no freedom and he doesn't understand why his parents don't seem to care about all this.
Are other people in your family good at writing stories or particularly creative?: My daughter who is 25 has worked in the film industry for a few years. Now though she's studying to be a naturopath. My son who is 21 is a landscape gardener which is pretty creative especially when clients want lawns in the shape of Australia. My partner is an actor and writer and can make creative shapes with her tongue.
Why did you want to be a author?: I started writing stories when I was about eight. I didn't show them to anybody, they were just for my own fun. One day some of the kids in my class found some of my stories and read them. When I saw they were enjoying them, I decided to write more stories for people to read. I'm very lucky it's my job now 'cause I love doing it.
What football team do you barrack for?: I used to barrack for Fitzroy, but around the time you were born they were sent to Brisbane to become the Brisbane Lions. My real love is for soccer and I barrack for Charlton in the English Premier League.
Have you ever had itchy nipples yourself?: I had to make them itchy while I was researching Doubting Thomas so I would know what Thomas was going through. I trained a mosquito to bite them when required. The trouble is now I can't get it to stop. Oh no! Because that last answer wasn't completely true, my nipples are itching for real!
What is your favourite book?: My favourite book to read is Just William by Richmal Crompton.
How many stories are you working on at the moment?: I'm thinking about several stories but I haven't started writing them yet.
Did you go to university?: I went to Canberra College of Advanced Education. A few years after I left they re-named it the University of Canberra. I did a degree called Professional Writing.
Do you know any other authors?: Lots. We authors go to literary festivals where we meet lots of other authors. A couple of my close friends are authors. We read each other's manuscripts before they're published.
What inspired you to write your book 'Once' as it is so different to your other books?: My grandfather was a Jewish bloke from Poland. If he hadn't left his country early in the 20th century and moved to England, my father may well have had the experience that Felix does in Once. There was another inspiration as well which I've mentioned in the back of the book.
How did the 11 year old Morris Gleitzman manage to stay with you all these years?: Not sure. I think because he has lots of stories to tell and I'm the one with the computer.
Why did you write 'Toad Rage'?: I wanted to write a story about an ugly non-human character who was loveable inside.
Where is your favourite place to write?: I have an office at my place but most of the time I'm there I'm actually in my imagination.
In your heart of hearts do you believe that Felix in 'Once' survived the war?: I thought a lot about this before I started writing the book. Most Jewish kids like Felix didn't survive the war. I don't want to say what I decided about Felix because I'm planning to write more of his story in a sequel to Once and I don't want to give away the ending.
How do you know when to end a book?: I always plan the story before I start writing it, so I know the end before I start writing the beginning.
What motivated you to write a book like 'Boy Overboard' and how much research did you need to do to complete the book?: I wanted to write about a refugee family from Afghanistan and what had made them refugees because a lot of stories were being told about such people at the time, but most of these stories didn't include the stuff I wrote about in Boy Overboard. I needed to do a lot of research.
When writing a book do you ever feel just fed up and not want to continue?: Sometimes, but only for a few hours. I rarely feel fed up once I know the character's problem and have started to think how the character might solve it.
Do you like relating books to real life?: My characters all exist in the real world and usually their problems are the sort of problems we could all have, but the ways they go about solving them are sometimes probably best left in books.
How many books do you want to write in your lifetime?: 73.
Why did you start each chapter in 'Once' with the word "Once" and do you think it was effective?: To remind readers that for us Felix's story takes place in the past, but for Felix it's in the present. Yes I do think it was effective, and rather strikingly original even if I do say so myself.
What inspired you to write 'Doubting Thomas'?: I wanted to write a story about a character who discovers that people don't always tell the truth, and who discovers this using a method that he is tempted to lie about.
Do you have any helpers?: Lots. I have publishing helpers, publicity helpers, I just wish I could find someone to help me worm the cat.
Have you always been interested in writing?: Not always. I started getting interested when I was about 8, and my interest has grown since then.
How do you decide how a character will behave in the book and how they will react to certain situations?: As I get to know a character in my imagination I come to understand the type of individual they are and the sort of personality they have. This lets me know how they'll react, the sort of thoughts and plans they'll have, and the kinds of feelings.
If you were not a writer, what would you like to do?: Something with books and travel. Driving a mobile library perhaps, or being a tour bus driver who reads to his passengers in traffic jams.
Do you use places that you know, have visited or lived in when choosing a setting for your stories?: Yes. It's very hard to set a story in a place you've never been to, as I discovered when I wrote the first half of Boy Overboard.
What makes you laugh?: I often never know until it happens. In my books I often laugh fondly when characters keep on believing the world is a good place even as their experiences get tougher.
Who are some of your favourite authors?: Richmal Crompton. Gore Vidal. Anna Fienberg.
Have you ever thought of turning one of your books into a movie?: I'd be happy for any of my books to be turned into a movie, and if anyone at Westgrove is thinking of becoming a movie producer and has a spare $10 million to invest, let me know.
How do you go about co-writing a book with Paul Jennings?: Carefully. When two authors are used to writing their own books and being their own bosses, you have to make sure they each have their own space when they work together. That's why Wicked and Deadly each have two main characters with me and Paul taking it in turns to write chapters.
Thanks Morris. It has been great having a chat. It was most informative.: Thanks. It was informative for me too. Often I don't know what I think about things until I answer questions about them.
What is your most popular book?: Two Weeks With The Queen has sold the most copies. Bumface is my fastest selling book. Boy Overboard is my most popular book in schools. But my most popular book for me at the moment is Doubting Thomas.
Did you want to be a writer when you were little?: I wanted to be a professional soccer player at first. Then I realised that if I became a writer I wouldn't get so muddy.
How many books have you sold?: In Australia and around the world, a few million. If you've bought any in the last couple of weeks, add those to the total.
Why did you write 'Toad Away'?: I had so much fun writing Toad Rage and Toad Heaven, that I wanted to go on another adventure with Limpy, Goliath and Charm. They wanted to go overseas to find their rellies, and I decided to go with them.
How did you get involved in writing?: I wrote lots of stories as a kid and when I was 17 I suddenly realised that if I was lucky I might be able to do it as a job. I was lucky.
Have you ever won book of the year?: At my place I win Book of the Year most years. In the CBC Awards I've never won Book of the Year, but I've won runner up prizes three times.
How many books books do you think you will write in the future?: At least one a year for the rest of my life, so probably about 130.
What is your favourite animal?: I used to like dogs best, but now I've lived with a couple of cats for about 10 years, I've discovered how smart and interesting they are, and how if they hear you've been praising other animals they get really sarcastic. So my answer is cats.
When are you thinking about retiring?: I hope I don't have to retire. I hope I can write books until I drop dead (hopefully not in the middle of a sentence).
As you have become a more successful writer do you think your writing style has changed?: I've noticed that over the years my sentences have tended to get a bit longer. I think this happens to people as they get older. When I see this happening in my own writing I make myself use shorter sentences. Simpler ones. Clearer ones.
What do you and Paul Jennings have to do to win a CBC Book of the Year award?: I think Paul just has to try a bit harder. I've been having the CBC judges round to my place for barbeques every weekend for months, but all they really want is a drive in Paul's sports car and he won't let them because he doesn't think they're very good at judging distances.
Good morning morris we are a group of year 6 students from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. If you have ever passed the big pineapple, then we are just a stones throw away from there. We are keen to have a chat, although we have only the one copy of your new book and have yet to read it.: I know how you feel about only having one copy of my new book. I feel the same way when I'm in Queensland about you only having the one big pineapple.
Did anyone encourage you to write when you were younger, or was it just because you enjoyed English?: I had a wonderful English teacher who knew I was hopeless at maths and could see my only hope for a happy future was to write.
What inspired you to write a book as wacky as 'Doubting Thomas'? It is a very funny book.: Glad you like it. Once I discovered the biggest problem in Thomas' life – and it's a pretty serious business, coming to terms with lies – I wanted to write about it in a way that wouldn't be too serious.
We have some very passionate writers in our class and we'd like to ask some writing tips. What advice could you give?: Read lots of stories. Decide which ones you think are good. Ask yourself why. Find a story to write that really interests you. Don't worry too much about whether it's going to interest other people. Use language you're familiar with. Make sure your main character is struggling with a big, interesting, hard to solve problem.
How long did it take you to write 'Doubting Thomas'?: About two years of thinking and nine months of writing and re-writing.
Which book took you the longest to write?: Once – ten years of thinking and eight months of writing. The two books I wrote with Paul Jennings, Wicked and Deadly, took the most writing. Nineteen months in the case of Deadly. But that's because Paul Jennings is a slow typist.
How do you know what topics are appropriate to write about for kids?: When I get to know characters well in my imagination, I discover the things they want me to write about – the big problems in their lives, which are usually problems that real life kids are experiencing somewhere in the world. I figure that if kids are experiencing problems it's ok for other kids to read about them.
Do you enjoy writing with other authors like you did with Paul Jennings?: Paul is the only other author I've written with and it was a big adventure and often fun. I am open to offers from other authors if you're ever speaking to J.K.
How did you come up for the title 'Bumface'?: Because it's a story about a boy who has to be very good and responsible, I wanted to give him a part of his life where he could be naughty and irresponsible. For Angus, that can only happen in his imagination, where he gets to be a pirate. I thought Bumface was a good name for a naughty pirate.
Have you ever written using a pseudonym?: No.
'Once' is a very different book to most you have written. Why did you choose to write that one?: I'd wanted to write a book for a long time about kids in a war. I chose a Jewish kid in WWII because if my Jewish grandfather hadn't left Poland early in the 20th century, my father could have been in the same situation as Felix. In the back of Once I've mentioned another reason why I wrote the book.
Do you have an author that you think you have tough competition with?: Only J.K. A few years ago she asked me to delay publishing my series of novels about a boy who goes to wizard school and in return she agreed to delay publishing her series of cane toad novels.
We like J.K. too but just between us, we like you better!: You're very kind. Unfortunately J.K is here in the room with me, but I think I've managed to distract her.
Which are your highest selling books?: Two Weeks With The Queen is my highest selling book, Bumface is my fastest selling book, Boy Overboard is the one that has been bought by the most schools, and I hope Doubting Thomas is the one that will sell the most copies today if everyone in south-east Queensland has got their pocket money with them.
Before writing the book 'blabber mouth', did you know anyone with Rowena's condition?: Not personally. I'd read about people with speech difficulties. I had some myself of a different kind while I was writing the book – I was living in France, but I couldn't speak French very well.
When you were little did you look up to any authors and say I want to be just like him or her?: Most of the authors I liked when I was little were dead, so I decided not to be exactly like them. My favourite author, Richmal Crompton, was alive at the time, and I wanted to be just like her, except for the frocks.
What story did you sell to Dolly magazine when you first started writing?: I can't remember the title, but it was a romantic tale of a 17 year old boy and his passion for a 17 year old girl. It was based partly on my own experience, and partly on what I imagined would have happened if the 17 year old girl in question had ever spoken to me.
How many more books do you think you will write before you stop writing?: 73.
What was your inspiration for 'Water Wings'?: I wanted to write a funny book about death and how different people and guinea pigs think and feel about it.
How much influence do you have in the cover design of your books?: Luckily I work with brilliantly creative and very kind publishers who listen patiently to my suggestions for cover designs and then come up with much better ones themselves.
After reading the motto in the back of 'Once', we are wondering if you have a motto that inspires you to write?: My writing motto is also my favourite word... unless. I think most good stories and most adventures in life grow out of that word.
How old were you when you wrote your first book?: 32. I was a late starter because I spent the first ten years of my writing career writing screenplays.
What were the names of some of your screenplays?: Nothing Hollywood I'm afraid. I wrote a cop movie called Harbour Beat which is on telly sometimes at 2:30am, which sadly is half an hour after your bedtime. I wrote lots of tv comedy as well.
So what made you stop writing screenplays and start writing books?: I wrote a television film called The Other Facts of Life, and while it was being filmed a book publisher asked me to re-write the screenplay as a novel. I had so much fun doing that and discovered that you can write a story as a book in so many interesting ways that I decided to write all my stories from then on as books.
So have you written books for adults, or only for kids? And which do you prefer?: I write all my books for kids, but I love it when adults read them too.
It sounds as if you have to "know" your characters for a while before you write about them. About how long does the process take?: Usually quite a few months or even years, but while I'm getting to know characters in one corner of my imagination I'm doing lots of other things at the same time like writing books and the shopping.
Are some of your characters based on people you know? We'd love to know if you really know anyone with itchy nipples!: Mostly I don't base characters on people I know. I have known people with temporarily itchy nipples but I can't reveal their names in case any of you write for the newspapers in your spare time. Sometimes I combine a bit of one person with a bit of another person when I'm making a character. So Thomas' nipples might have come from two different chests.
A few people want to know if you get paid well for writing books, and is there a trick to getting books published?: Tricks to getting books published: 1. Write a book 2. Send manuscript to one or more publishers (addresses in Yellow Pages) 3. Wait patiently. 4. Get impatient and start pestering publishers. Ring them up, write to them, sleep in their office foyer. 5. If this doesn't result in publication, go back to number 1. The pay's not bad, you get 10% of the price of the book, not including GST. The pay's better if your book sells 50,000 copies than if it sells 5 copies.
Who inspired you to write books?: My favourite author when I was your age was Richmal Crompton and her very funny stories first showed me how much people love to laugh as they read. Once I'd become interested in writing stories myself in about year 5, I started reading loads of other stories to see the different ways it could be done. So I was inspired at first by about 100 different authors.
Do you have children of your own? If so, do you get them to test run your ideas?: My daughter is 25 and my son is 21, and they've decided they're a bit old for me to test-run ideas on. However, I do use them to test-run life ideas, such as whether you plug the set top box into the dvd player or straight into the tv (if anyone there knows, please tell me).
We think the set box gets plugged straight into the tv, but don't take our word for it!!: Phew, I was getting desperate, I was even thinking of trying the fridge.
Have either of your children given you ideas for your books?: Not directly. Most of my stories have relationships in them between kids and adults. I couldn't have written those stories if I hadn't been both a kid and a parent, so in that sense most of my ideas came via my kids.
Do you have arthritis in your hands/fingers because you write so much?: I do have a sore arm, not so much from writing books, which I do on the computer, but from signing books, which involves old technology (a pen) and is therefore much harder on the sinews.
How many books have you written?: Doubting Thomas is my 25th book.
What would Thomas be doing after the book is finished?: I prefer to leave Thomas in the care of your imagination. It's really up to you what he does next. One request though, easy on his nipples, they've had a bit of a rough time.
How did Thomas' dad lose his job?: His employer tried to make him sign a completely unfair work place agreement and rather than work under tyranny, he quit.
At what age did you decide that you wanted to be an author?: 17. That's when I had my first story published in that wonderful Australian literary magazine Dolly. Seeing my name in print for the first time made me realise that anyone can be an author if they really want to and they can write fairly good stories.
When you announced you wanted to be an author at 17, did your friends give you a hard time about it?: I didn't tell them at first, but after my first story was published, I bought 200 copies of Dolly magazine and left them lying around to impress people. Lots of my friends didn't believe I'd actually written the story, they thought I was just interested in makeup.
Are your characters ever based on real people?: Very rarely. I decided a long time ago that it was too risky to put real people in my books in case they didn't like what I wrote about them. The only real exception I make to that is Prime Ministers and a few cane toads I know who are very secure within themselves.
Which character would you say is most like yourself?: I think all my characters are probably parts of myself. Different characters are like me at different times in my life. But if I had to nominate just one character, I'd say Aristotle the nose germ. (not physically)
When you were in primary school, were you the class clown?: This is incredible. How did you know? Is your class teacher called Mr Walsh? Is he 123 years old? Rather than "class clown" I preferred to use the phrase "future Prime Minister".
Mr Walsh teaches in the class next door, but unless he's had major plastic surgery, he isn't 123 years old.: Please say g'day to him from me and tell him I've finally finished my geography homework.
Which of your books was the hardest one to write?: Once, because for several years I wasn't sure how to write a story about love and friendship set in one of the worst periods of human suffering. Felix, the main character, eventually showed me how to do it, and after that it was much easier. The other hardest books for me were the two I wrote with Paul Jennings, but that's because he always wanted us to work in his sports car.
Which was the easiest to write?: I wouldn't say any of them was exactly easy, because I type with only two fingers, but I had the most fun writing the Toad books, which made them seem easier.
What was writing books with Paul Jennings like?: I used to think I had a lot in common with Steve Irwin. While he was wrestling crocodiles I was wrestling with the huge, dangerous but very exciting ideas that Paul used to come up with. Wicked and Deadly were a big adventure and I know I could never have written books like that on my own.
What has been the most difficult book to write?: Once took the longest – I was thinking about the story for 10 years and I had to do lots of research. Boy Overboard was the first time I wrote a story set somewhere I'd never been, so I had to do lots of research for that one too. Toad Rage was difficult at first, until I realised cane toads aren't that much different from people, except for the warts and mucus, though of course cane toads have those too.
What inspired you to write books?: The characters in my imagination and my discovery that we can have huge amounts of fun and adventures in our imaginations free of charge and without being told off.
How long does it take you to write a book?: On average, including planning, writing, re-writing, editing, and congratulating myself, about nine months. My quickest was four weeks, my longest was a year and a half.
What would you have done if you didn't write books?: Something involving books and travel. Driving a mobile library perhaps, or being a tourist bus driver who reads to his passengers in traffic jams.
Where are you talking to us from?: I'm sitting in a room in the Penguin offices in Melbourne reading your questions on a big screen on the wall. (Penguin is the company that publishes my books. They aren't really penguins.)
Are some of your books based on something true, something true that you twisted or something that is made up?: Mostly things I make up, sometimes true things that I give a twist to, and occasionally real events.
Do any of your ideas come from your childhood?: Not the story ideas, but the feelings my characters have are often from my childhood.
How did you get the idea for 'Gift Of The Gab'?: Gift of the Gab is the third story I wrote about Rowena. Her journey to discover the truth about her mother's death and why her father is such an unusual bloke were the first ideas I had about her. But then I discovered I needed to write two other books about her before I could get onto those ideas.
Do you have any pets?: Two dogs and one cat. All old.
How do you not get tired of writing books?: I only write about things that interest me and make me laugh and cry. I'm lucky because I never run out of those things.
What gave you the idea for writing the Toad series?: I wanted to write about some brave and loveable characters who just happened to be warty and slimy.
Do you have any medical conditions?: Are you from a school or an insurance company? OK, I'll be honest. I've got mild R.S.I. (painful arm) from signing books. Sadly, according to my doctor, this means I'll never be able to wrestle crocodiles again.
How do you come up with the titles for your books?: Mostly titles come to me while I'm writing the book. Sometimes the original idea comes with a title attached.
Which book has been most successful in sales?: Two Weeks with the Queen has sold the most copies. Bumface and Boy Overboard are the fastest selling. But those books are all watching Doubting Thomas, my new book, nervously since it was released.
What was your back ground? eg Greek: One of my grandfathers was a Jewish bloke from Poland. My other grandparents were from England, Wales and France. Some of my best friends are Greek.
what is ur inspiration?: M nspn cs fm my mgntn. Actually, this chat-speak is a pain in the bum. I also fear it gives you brain disease. Let's be generous with each other and use whole words.
OK – Have you ever worked on a book with other authors and what was it like?: I wrote two books with Paul Jennings, Wicked and Deadly. It was a big adventure and lots of fun with heaps of laughs and only a few attempts by one of us to kill the other. (I'm not saying which one)
Have you had any outside help with your books i.e your wife?: Yes, my wife has given me some really good ideas. Lots of other people have helped me too, mostly with research and speling.
Do you like walruses?: They're not my favourite animal, but as far as marine-adapted mammals go, they're not bad. However, they need to be cooked very slowly, and preferably with herbs and spices.
Why did you choose to write for this age group???: Because you are the most intelligent, interesting, passionate, engaged and thoughtful age group of all, plus you have lots of pocket money.
Approximately how many ideas for different books do you get every day?: Four.
Where did you go to primary school?: East Wickham Primary School in suburban London.
Could you please tell us what music you are into?: Van Morrison. An old bloke you probably haven't heard of. Listen carefully. Is your teacher humming "Brown Eyed Girl"?
Whats your favourite word?: G'day Anthony. My favourite word used to be bum, but I've lent that to another author. My favourite word now is unless because so many good stories grow out of that word.
Does it take a while to think of your ideas or do they just come to you?: Lots of ideas just come to me. Then I have to think of extra ideas to put with them to make stories. That can take a while sometimes.
What was your most embarrasing moment ever and have you ever had to leave a party early cause you get a new idea for a book or chapter?: My most embarrassing moment involved a door that slammed shut in the wind, an author at the washing line with only a towel around him, and a neighbour who wouldn't give him the spare key to get back into the house. I'd rather not go into more details. I often get ideas at parties. I don't have to leave early because I've learned how to make notes on Jatz biscuits with cheese dip.
Who do you admire?: A children's author and doctor called Janusz Korczak who lived in Poland in the first half of the 20th century and was one of the inspirations for Once. You can find out lots more about him on the internet. I also admire the volunteer doctors and nurses in Médicins Sans Frontières.
What do you like to read?: I like to read lots but sadly I can't read stories while I'm writing my own so mostly I read non-fiction – history, travel, biography, breakfast cereal packets.
Are you influenced by other authors?: It must be hard not to use other people's ideas. I am sometimes. I try not to pinch their actual ideas. But every piece of good writing I read inspires me to try harder with my own writing. Often good ideas will spark other different good ideas.
We read 'Boy Overboard' and 'Girl Underground' and realised that they were talking about real things that had happened in our country. They really helped us to understand the issues. Are there things going on in Australia at the moment (especially for kids) that you are considering writing about?: Very good question. At the moment I'm most interested in some of the things that are happening in other parts of the world (e.g. wars) that kids are involved in. I'm planning to write about some of that stuff soon.
What was your favourite subject at school?: Lunch. I was also very keen on English.
Are any of your stories based on your life?: Not really. The characters, their problems, and what they try to do about them usually come from my imagination. Sometimes, as in Boy Overboard and Once, they are inspired by real events. All my stories have one autobiographical dimension – the emotions the characters experience.
Do you have any pets, and if so how old are they and what are their names?: Cat (Squeaker), 15. Dog (Lilly), 13. Dog (Maggie), 11. Goldfish (Arie), 18 months.
It must be like a zoo at your house.: It is a bit like a zoo sometimes. We throw food at each other and eat it off the floor.
In your spare time what do you enjoy doing most?: Reading, going for walks in forests or by the sea, tidying my desk, seeing how many M&Ms I can fit in my mouth at once.
Have you ever used people you know as characters in your stories?: Hardly ever. The main characters are always parts of me. Sometimes the other characters have bits of real people in them. Gall bladders and intestines mostly.
Like some other authors, do you keep a notebook or journal to jot down things you overhear when you're out etc to help you with ideas?: I always carry a notebook to jot down my own ideas. I eavesdrop a lot but I don't do it for stories – I prefer to make up the dialogue. I do it because I'm a sticky beak.
What is the best question you have been asked while doing the online chats?: That one. And one from somebody who just bought 259 copies of my books and was asking how to build a book shelf.
Have your children ever been embarassed by any of your books? (eg the boys at our school all giggle when they hear the word nipples.): My kids are grown up now. They used to get embarrassed a lot, more by me than my books. It's OK boys, by the time you finish reading Doubting Thomas, you'll be so used to the word nipple you'll be dropping it into your conversation all the time.
The boys at our school are big fantasy book readers. Do you ever think you might consider writing a fantasy novel?: Some of my books have a little bit of fantasy in them, but I don't think I'll ever write a full on fantasy novel because the things I like to write about are inspired by the real world. Also, when you write a fantasy novel, you have to write at least 2,000,000 words and my fingers get tired easily.
How many M&M's have you managed to stuff in your mouth at once? What's your record?: Three. But I just know I can do better.
What was the first book you read when you were little?: I can't remember the title, Keeley. But it was by Enid Blyton and I think it involved a circus.
In your book 'Second Childhood' talking about reincarnation did it make you wonder who you were in a past life?: I have pondered that. Possibly the person who invented stationery. Or chocolate. Or indecision.
In 'Doubting Thomas' why did you choose itchy nipples instead of another body part?: I wanted something that Thomas would find embarrassing. I've done bums and penises in other books. Nipples were next on the list.
Do you relate to any of the characters in 'Doubting Thomas'?: Thomas is probably a part of me. So, probably, are Holly and Kevin. I also feel very close to the Parisian delicatessen owner. And his cheese.
What inspired you to write 'Boy Overboard' and 'Girl Underground'?: The refugees coming to Australia from Afghanistan a few years ago. And some of the unkind stories being told about them.
Do you usually write about disgusting things?: Only if it's an important part of a story. And even then I've noticed that what some people find disgusting other people think is perfectly ok and read out loud to their grandmothers.
If you were asked to write a story about current issues what would it be?: I'm planning to write a book next year about how every war affects kids, but no war has ever been started by a kid.
If you had to stop writing tomorrow what would be in your life after writing?: Depends why I had to stop. If it was because I'd been jailed for using too many adverbs, I'd spend the rest of my life reading. And tunnelling. Actually, I can't imagine any other reason why I would have to stop writing that didn't involve death.
Have you always wanted to be an author?: Only since I was 17. Before that I wanted to be a professional soccer player, but I had the wrong socks.
How long a break do you take between books?: Anything from a few weeks to three months. But it's not a complete break because I'm always thinking about the next book, and reviewing my stationery supplies.
What was it like to work with Paul Jennings?: Have you ever wrestled a crocodile? Have you ever ridden a bucking bronco in a rodeo? Have you ever struggled with a powerful virus? It was nothing like any of those. Paul is a really nice bloke and we had lots of fun.
What TV scripts have you written?: I started my career writing the Norman Gunston show (ask an elderly teacher). I wrote lots of other stuff, mostly comedy. And some TV films. One of them, The Other Facts of Life, I turned into my first book.
What's your favourite football team?: By football you of course mean soccer. All my life I've supported Charlton in the English Premier League (sob).
What's it like being famous?: It's a heady whirl of red carpets, limos, paparazzi, servants and private jets. But sadly only in my imagination. The bloke in the fruit shop recognises me sometimes, but he thinks I'm Mem Fox.
Where did you get the ideas for 'Worm Story' and 'Aristotle's Nostril'?: I read a book about microbiology and discovered to my amazement that we all have more tiny creatures living inside us than there are humans on the planet. I'm not sure if they can read, but in case they can I thought I'd write a couple of stories about some of them.
What steps are involved from start to publishing of a book?: 1. A strong desire to write a story. 2. Writing a story. 3. Re-writing it to make it as good as you can. 4. Showing it to a publisher. 5. Re-writing it some more. 6. Going through it with an editor. 7. Re-writing it some more. 8. Going through it with the editor again. 9. And again. 10. And again. 11. Setting the book into page proofs. 12. Correcting the proofs. 13. And again. 14. And again. 15. Designing the cover. 16. Writing the blurb. 17. Printing the book. 18. Warehousing the book. 19. Distributing the book to shops. 20. Doing online chats so the book will be read by keen readers from... where are you again?
Dalyellup: 21. Dalyellup.
Why did you decide to write a serious book ('Once') when the rest of your books are funny?: I try to put serious stuff in all my books. Sometimes with the funnier ones you have to dig a bit deeper to find it. It's probably closer to the surface in Once than in any of my other books, but I think it's fairly close to the surface in Boy Overboard and Water Wings, for example.
When did you first start writing?: 9:47am, January 14th, 1960.
Do you have family/friends/pets that influence your books?: I don't put any of them in my books, but I try to write stories that will make them laugh, particularly the goldfish.
Are you are a 'Doubting Thomas'?: I don't think so, but I might be wrong.
What sort of music do you listen to?: Van Morrison, Bruce Springsteen, Keith Jarrett... old people's music.
Are you aware of the typo on page 168 in your new book 'Doubting Thomas'? Is it there on purpose?: I'm not and it's not. I'm shocked and horrified. What is it?
"It not just..." instead of "It's not just...": Shock. Horror. From now on I'll get you to edit all my books. Thanks for that, we'll fix it when we reprint.
What age group is 'Doubting Thomas' appropriate for?: I think anyone over about 8.
What part of the writing process do you most enjoy/ dislike?: I most enjoy it when I make myself laugh or cry. I most dislike having to edit out a really good chapter because it's not an essential part of the story.
When was your first date?: In year 5 a stunningly beautiful girl called Margaret agreed to accompany me to the local milkbar where we spent an intensely romantic hour pricing lollies.
Did you ever have itchy nipples yourself?: Sometimes. I think it has less to do with lies and more to do with polyester shirts.
What's your favourite AFL footy team?: The ones with the purple and yellow and orange and green striped jerseys. Or is that just my tv playing up again?
How old are you?: 53. But my doctor says I have the typing fingers of an eighty year old. I think that's a compliment.
If you could have another pet what would it be?: Not sure. Are there any animals that are good at research and computer maintenance?
When you were younger who did you admire?: People who'd read lots of books.
Are you married or single?: When I left home this morning I was married. But when my wife hears I've been chatting with thousands of people on the internet...
Thanks. Bye.: You're welcome WA. So are you Victoria and NSW. See ya, Canberra and the Northern Territory.
Thank you for your time, we love your sense of humour and we hope to see you in Tassie some day!: Good on you. I love Tassie. Your questions are even better than your oysters.
On behalf of all of us in South-East Queensland we would like to thank you for talking to us.: My pleasure. I would say your questions are better than your oysters too but I'm not sure if you have oysters, so I'll make that bananas, not that I've had a banana in ages, but if Doubting Thomas is a huge bestseller I might be able to afford one. Happy reading and bye for now.

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